I wouldn't say I love to watch kids but I somehow end up with that task. It is the festive season and everyone is galavanting, who'd watch the kids except the aunty who hasn't done her hair, and nails and loves to lie on her bed? I don't know how I got to be that aunty but it's all good. However tiring this task is, it is rewarding because you get to enjoy the innocence of kids plus, I am a good girl who'd handle the task better than myself. Today everyone has left the house, my sister brought her kids over so she can enjoy her day better. It's a good thing at least she's not stuck with the kids today, marriage and having kids shouldn't be the end of a person's life, I understand her.

Well, just as I was about to sigh relief that I only had to watch two kids today, our neighbor rushed in with her daughter Adaeze so I had to watch three kids. That's not so bad since the kids get to play with each other. Today would be an uneventful day as I wanted to finish some outstanding job on my PC. However, I noticed Adaeze was gloomy and not herself. After much persuasion, she asked me "Aunty why is my daddy always angry?" I knew the possible answers but it didn't stop my mind from wandering. I remembered everything, on two occasions where "food" made him angry and how he didn't get calm until he had inflicted pain on someone.

The first one happened when I was nine, he had returned from work, and she asked him for money to make food for us since we were going to school the next day. We lived in a two-room apartment, I and my siblings lay on the mat in the second room; it was late and we were sleeping already. We woke up to screaming and someone saying the words "Do you want to kill me?" amidst a soft sob. I went into their room and realized my both brothers followed me into the room they were woken up by the noise too. We met a scary scenario, he was on top of her kicking and punching her so we sprung into action, trying to pull him down from her. Armed with my rubber slippers, I proceeded to hit him in the back while my siblings used their newly purchased catapult to hit him but he did not flinch. He was so angry to notice that his babies were trying to keep him away from harming their mother. When he calmed down he looked at me furiously and said "I am sending you off to a boarding school next year". Those words, the anger, and how he said it remained with me forever, and of course, I went to a boarding school, not the next year though if that is any consolation.

The second one happened last year, he had asked for moi moi and we served eba. She had asked me to wash beans for moi moi and blend them for her. When he saw this, he was immediately jovial and asked if we were going to make moi moi. I didn't know the answer to that and calmly responded in that manner. When she returned from her shop by eight pm, I had already made eba for my siblings while he waited for moi moi. However, she went to bed because she thought I had served everyone dinner. Who wouldn't think that way when you have a good daughter? When he did not hear from her after she returned, he flung the door to her room open and demanded his food. In shock, she couldn't believe I did not give her husband dinner so she warmed the soup from the fridge and made eba. This was where all hell broke loose, he waited patiently until she served him the soup and he poured the hot soup on her and demanded moi moi. In the spirit of "no gree for anybody", she responded by telling him she was not his maid and wouldn't be making any food for him that night. How dare she, a child he was old enough to father talk back at him? He called the police that we were cultists and trying to kill him. As usual, the whole estate gathered in the house, trying to settle the family rift turned to fight. Again, someone was angry about food.

I shook my head as I calmly told Adaeze that adults get angry when they're stressed. Don't we all? Psychologists think conflict aversion is a common trait in people who are always angry. Especially, people who grew up in dismissive and eruptive households. Now, I understand why I am a good girl. I make every effort to not avoid conflicts; If there's a conflict I won't talk about it, I don't want you to see me cry, and I don't want to be vulnerable so I'll shut the door or storm out, and say nothing about it. It earned me the good girl status because according to the world standard, I don't get angry. I am also humble because I'll cancel my plans to take care of kids or do other tasks if it'll cause discomfort that'll lead to a fight - I don't want someone pouring hot soup on me because I did not take care of their kids when they asked. I also lied when I said I understood why my sister brought her kids over, my neighbor too.

I no longer want to be a good girl, I don't want to be silently angry. If you don't know at this point, I'm always angry (silently though), Never again.